First lessons of a former privileged African kid living in North America (continued)
3) Self dependency
Any African kid or youngster from a privileged social condition has only one job: homework and study. That is because all other chores are carried out by dedicated personnel. Be it laundry, cooking, dishwashing cleaning, or even gardening are all the responsibilies of men and women hired for such specific tasks. It is therefore not uncommon that other people will clean your room or table after you. I remember waking up in the morning, dressing up and leaving my room to sit at breakfast table before heading out for a school day. Just a regular ordinary kid morning you would think. However upon my return home at the end of the day, I would find my room miraculously cleaned and the dinner table already set for supper. Someone, somehow at some point, had transformed my messy room into a neat and comfortable cocoon for me to relax in again at the end of my day.
Well, I was obviously aware of the presence of personnel dedicated to the household maintenance, but in a weird way, even though the results of their work was evident, the energy and effort they invested in the process was invisible. So in the end I never thought twice about it.
Back to 48 hours after our arrival in Canada, after coming back from IKEA to equip ourselves with the basics, appliances, beds, linens, pots and cutlery, the time came to, well, start living. In yet another disconcerting set of circumstances, I realized I had hardly ever washed a dish in my life. I had no idea how to operate a washing machine, so I read the manual and went through my first laundry and clothes folding initiation. I got down on my knees and scrubbed the bathtub after carefully studying how to handle the cleaning products.
When school started a week later it was a new dynamic of waking up an hour earlier to prepare breakfast and clean up before heading out. After a couple of weeks I realized I had less time and physical or mental energy after a full school day for extracurricular activities.
And around the same time I realized that other kids were enjoying the same benefits I used to enjoy and were actually involved in recreational activities like I used to. However I was not part of that sphere anymore and that was yet another psychological fracture.
Fast forward to today, I've developed such a level of autonomy that I'd rather do everything myself. The chore of cooking for the household evolved into my eagerness to spend hours in the kitchen, even after a day's work, to have my friends and family over for supper. I cannot start my work day if my bed isn't made or my kitchen isn't sparkling clean and my clothes folded the way I want it.
It's come to an extent where whenever I return home for vacation, the presence of household personnel fills me with awkwardness. I'm torn between a very personal sense of doing stuff my way and their responsibility to provide a service they are remunerated for.
That's a pretty good problem to have I'd say.
4) Paperwork
The immigration process is a combination of multiple tests. Your willpower, organizational skills, finances and patience are all tremendously tested. As we moved to Canada with student visas, we had a responsibility to maintain our legal compliance at all times. That meant making sure to have in our possession or gather all relevant documentation justifying our legal statuses.
We had to quickly figure out on our own all the procedures, documents, institutions and administrative mechanics to make sure we were compliant. That meant that in addition to regular school life, I had to bear in mind to make sure that my study Visa was each time renewed on time.
So while any regular 15 year old student was focused on the math or spanish test to come, I had to add pressure such as obtaining document A + form B and have three copies of my passport pages certified by power of attorney (which I did not know where to find) before a given deadline. Failure to meet those requirements could mean legal exclusion from the school and potentially being deported from Canada thus annihilating all the efforts and sacrifices to come this far.
Words such as "Immigration Canada", "Form", "Certificate", became as common to us as "soccer practice" or "church" or "Weekend at the Cabin" were to the other kids. Holding in your hands the responsibility of your future in a new country is a tremendous pressure for a 15-year-old, but it's a challenge that you have no choice but to face head on.
Only 10 years later, as a full-fledged Canadian citizen, was I able to definitely turn that page and look back on those memories with a mix of amusement and residual stress.
The good news is such a tedious and psychologically intense process prepares you for virtually any kind of worldwide adaptation.
